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Educating Men
Street harassment will not end until men stop harassing women. Therefore, it is most important to focus educational efforts on boys, young men, and men. I cover this topic in detail in my forthcoming book Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Wecoming for Women (August 2010). This page briefly touches on a few points.
From what we know about why men harass, several of the major reasons are connected to harmful definitions of masculinity and its rigid framework.
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Men are socialized to be aggressive and violent and to pursue women. Street harassment is a way they can do all three to gain or maintain power and to prove their masculinity. This behavior is learned, and so it can be unlearned or not taught at all.
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Power is a cornerstone of traditional masculinity, and some men harass women to exert power and to put them in “their place” because they can. No matter how accomplished, smart, or witty a woman is, a man can instantly—and with virtually no consequences—reduce her to her body parts through whistles, comments, and groping, or exert power by demanding her attention.
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Many men, however, who engage in street harassment are not consciously trying to exert power over women. Instead their behavior is a byproduct of a general culture of disrespect for women and of male privilege, meaning the reality of stranger rape and gender inequality women live with is largely invisible to them as men. They may think women should be flattered by their attention.
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Proving male heterosexuality to themselves and to other men by objectifying women’s looks and being a sexual player is an important component of masculinit that impacts why men street harass. It can cause men of all sexual orientations to whistle at or comment on unknown women’s looks. Similarly, some men use women in their efforts to impress male friends and to belong in the group.
Educating men to stop harassing women will require several approaches.
1. Men need to be taught healthy definitions of masculinity.
Healthy Definitions: Men need to be able to perceive themselves as masculine while displaying sensitivity, caring, and respect. Groups like Men Can Stop Rape specifically focus on redefining masculinity with high school and college trainings and campaigns with slogans like "My strength is not for hurting." Each of us can help foster positive definitions of masculinity by:
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not supporting violence in any form
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not penalizing men or women who act outside gender norms
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eliminating language like "pussy," "wuss," "fag" and "girl" as insults used to punish men for not being "macho"
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eliminating language that portrays men and things that are masculine as positive and things that are feminine as negative
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supporting men who stand up for human rights.
2. Men need to learn to respect women (thankfully many men already do).
In American society—and in most societies—few women are leaders or are in positions of power, and in general, instead of being valued for their intelligence or talents as men are, women often are valued for their looks. Women are commonly portrayed as silent, submissive sexual objects in all forms of media, from music videos and movies, to comic books and video games. The more people see these depictions without a larger number of positive images of women to counterbalance them, the easier it is for men and women to sexually objectify and disrespect women. By teaching young men that all women they see in public are more than sexualized bodies, they may be less apt to tell them they have a nice ass or that they are “looking good.” Reminding them to think about how they would feel if a woman they respect was being harassed by a stranger when they were just walking down the street can help them realize that no woman deserves to be treated so disrespectfully. Each of us can help foster respect for women by:
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refraining from describing (or critiquing) women as body parts or referring to them only as sex objects instead of as complete human beings with a personality, interests, and talents
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reminding people who do rate women solely by their looks that they have other attributes
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not buying products from companies that portray only women’s body parts or portray them as sex objects and not watch movies, pornography, or music videos in which women are portrayed as objects that exist for men’s pleasure
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helping more women achieve positions of power and leadership.
3. Men need to be taught specific messages about street harassment so that they understand why women do not like it and so they will be more likely to stop or never engage in the behavior.
One barrier to men understanding the inappropriateness of street harassment is male privilege, which can keep men from realizing or understanding women’s point of view and make them defensive when the topic is brought up. Getting them to view street harassment from a woman’s perspective is an important part of educating men about street harassment. Having a woman they care about talk to them about their street harassment experiences and how it makes them feel is one option. In an informal survey of 85 male allies, 95 percent said this was the best idea for informing men about street harassment and educating them that this is a problem. The onus should not be on women to have to tell them, though, but on men to ask them if they would be willing to share their stories and discuss how street harassment makes them feel. Seeing the personal connection to an issue helps people care about it and take action.
Informing men about the facts of street harassment is another important approach.
Men and women may have different views about what is an appropriate way to approach and interact with a stranger in public given their different perspectives and place in a society with gender equity. Thus, it is important to teach men appropriate ways to interact with women that will be the least offensive or threatening. The following tips can guide any man's interaction with women in public:
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Treat women like human beings, with respect and dignity.
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If you want to say hello to a woman, just smile and nod or say hello. Do not whistle, honk, or make kissy noises at her. Do not say, “Hey baby,” or “Hi cutie.” Those are disrespectful and inappropriate actions and terms to use with a stranger.
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The way a woman is dressed does not tell you if she wants to be commented on. If she looks dressed up, do not assume it is to gain the admiration of all men she sees and that you should say something to her. She may enjoy dressing up, she may be dressed up for an event, or she may be dressed up to gain the admiration of a specific person or persons.
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Stranger rape and harassment are real threats for women. If you find yourself alone with a woman in a deserted parking garage, road, or park, especially at night, keep a respectful distance and do not approach her.
Unless the comments or actions of men who want to flirt or meet a woman in public to date or “hook up” with are welcome by the woman, they constitute harassment. Here are several things to teach men so they can avoid being a harasser:
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Do not assume all women are single, heterosexual or bisexual, or interested in male attention or in forming a relationship.
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Differences or similarities in race, class, and age between you and the woman and the woman’s sexual orientation can cause her to interpret attention a certain way.
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Women deserve the same right to privacy in public that most men enjoy, and many women will view a man who approaches her for a reason other than a gender-neutral one, such as asking for directions, the time, or to offer assistance, as violating their privacy, and they may be rude or hostile.
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Most of the time, women do not want to be approached for a date by a man in public places like the street or at a bus stop. Women are usually in public for a reason: to commute to school or work, to run errands, or to get exercise, not to meet men. There are times when a woman may be open to meeting someone in public, but they are rare, so keep in mind that chances are great that if you approach a woman, she will not want to meet you.
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If you do approach a woman, try not to do so if it is dark out, if it is a deserted area, if there are no other people around, or if you are with your friends while she is alone. All of these factors can make women feel threatened by any man approaching them.
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Never follow a woman without a good reason, like she dropped her wallet and you are trying to return it. Aside from assault, being followed is the behavior women feel the most threatened by when they are alone in public.
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Only approach a woman when she does not appear to be in a hurry or preoccupied. Initiate the interaction by smiling at her and/or saying hello. If, and only if, she smiles and/or says hello back and then does not hurry away, look away, or otherwise try to ignore you, then you can say something else to her that is respectful and polite, including non-sexually explicit flirtatious remarks.
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If you say hello and/or smile and the woman hurries away, ignores you or responds rudely, leave her alone. She may not have the time or desire to talk, so be respectful of her schedule and feelings. She may have had a bad harassment or assault experience and now is wary of all men who approach her. You may be the third or fourth person to approach her that day and even if done politely, it can become wearisome and annoying.
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If a woman initiates a conversation with you, be polite and respectful in your responses. If at any point during a conversation a woman looks uncomfortable, gives you one word answers, looks away, or tries to leave, follow her cues and stop talking. If she does not resume the conversation, leave her alone.
4. Male allies must lead the way in education efforts.
We need male allies. Because men listen to other men and look to other men for approval, having men tell other men not to harass and intervene when they see harassment occurring can, sadly, be a more effective way of educating men not to harass women than if women talk to them.
Among the 85 male allies I informally surveyed in late 2009, 82 percent said they would be willing to talk to their male friends and family members about street harassment to help end the problem. In an open-ended question, several of them suggested messaging that men can use with other men, including:
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Street harassment is vastly more common than men think. It happens to almost all women at some point.
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Women deserve respect and have the same right to exist in public spaces as men.
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Think about what you are REALLY doing. Street harassment to the harassed is really scary and a person could have fear of bodily harm.
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Making men empathize with the harassed or imagine themselves in women's place.
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Casting street harassment in terms of how many of their male friends might be problems, and how many female friends suffer from it.
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These people [being harassed] are your mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, coworkers, fellow citizens.
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We have a choice to not harass people on that street, and the power to do so, and we should exercise that choice and power. Also, this is not saying you are not allowed to appreciate a beautiful woman on the street, but you must stop doing so in a way that invades her space and makes her feel unsafe... Men can still look at women, just do so without comment or a leer that suggests that you own that woman's body or have the right to consume it.
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Further reading:
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